Yesterday there was a meme floating around blogland about what our Mother’s have taught us. It really got me thinking, because i always said my mother taught me nothing, I did the opposite of whatever she did. That in itself is a lesson learned so it made me re-think this statement.
On Mother’s Day May 11th it will be the 20th anniversary of my mother’s death. I was 39 and had just become an orphan as my last remaining parent had died. It was a Wednesday afternoon–my sisters Christine and Joanne were with me as we sat in the waiting room awaiting the outcome of her gall bladder surgery. She was 61, she did survive the surgery itself but died post-op, She had Many many health problems and the surgery was a last resort effort to free her from some pain. The doctors felt her days were few with or without it.
I had a difficult relationship with Mom—as much of a people pleaser as I have always tried to be, there was no pleasing Mom but I did come away with things only she could have bestowed upon me.
i look like her—as do my sisters, my daughters, and my granddaughter
i love to read—i never remember her without a book in her hand
i love dark chocolate—this was her favorite
i love constant comment tea—-she was a coffee drinker but this was her tea of choice, this or Tetley
I love the dark potato chips—-she would only eat Wise, and would fish out the overcooked ones.
She taught me to BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD, I could stay in a room with adults if I behaved. To this day most of my friends have always been older women, when I was a teen they were young mothers, I just could relate to them rather then girls my age.
She taught me to be grateful for having a man that loves and appreciates you—she and my dad were an awesome couple, I know they had their moments but the love was there—she didn’t care for Tom but by the end of her life she knew that even at 19 I had married a good one just like she did at 19.
She was a slave to “what will the neighbors think” —that was a tough one, I disappointed her a lot because i didn’t do what she had planned for me, and made it hard to hold her head up—this taught me not not put my expectations onto my children, that they are unique and can follow their own paths (Which has come back to bite me in the behind a few times)
She was an enigma—if she and I were alone, we would have such fun, we would shop, and have lunch out, do things with Debb when she was young like take her to the theater, etc. If one of my friends came over she would pick on me to the point of tears on my part, putting me down and embarrassing me in front of them. I sometimes never knew which Mother would be there.
It took me almost 60 years to realize—she did the best she could, I was the oldest, I didn’t come with instructions —while I have had issues, I am not totally broken beyond repair,so her mistakes were not life threatening, she did the best she could and for years after she died I kept looking at the telephone answering machine to see if she called. I DO miss my mother. She would love her great grandchildren, so.